Why Can Counselling Sometimes Make Us Feel Worse Before We Feel Better?

"I started counselling because I wanted to feel better, so why do I feel worse?"

It's a question many people ask themselves at some point during therapy. We often begin counselling hoping that talking about our problems will bring immediate relief. Sometimes it does, but counselling is a process, and healing doesn't always happen in the way we expect.

Counselling can sometimes be a little like growing a flower. Given the right conditions, growth can happen naturally, but growth doesn't happen overnight. In the same way, counselling isn't always about making us feel better straight away. Instead, it creates the conditions that allow us to explore, understand, and process our experiences.

In person-centred counselling, these conditions are known as the core conditions: empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard. Empathy is the counsellor's willingness and ability to understand another person's experience from their perspective. Congruence refers to the counsellor being genuine, real, and present within the therapeutic relationship. Unconditional positive regard means accepting and valuing the client without judgement, criticism, or evaluation.

These core conditions help to create a safe and trusting therapeutic relationship. They provide a space where clients can explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences in their own way and at their own pace.

However, opening up about difficult experiences can sometimes feel overwhelming. Many people enter counselling carrying emotions they have avoided, suppressed, or pushed aside for a long time. When these feelings begin to surface, it can feel confusing, frustrating, or even alarming.

You may finally start talking about what has been weighing on you, yet instead of feeling lighter, you leave a session feeling emotionally exhausted or unsettled. This can lead people to wonder whether counselling is helping at all.

I remember leaving my first counselling session feeling emotionally raw and vulnerable. I had spent years carrying difficult feelings without fully acknowledging them, so opening up to someone about them felt overwhelming.

Before that session, I had convinced myself that I was coping and that what I was feeling was normal. However, speaking openly about my experiences and emotions made me realise just how much I had been carrying. Although my counsellor was kind, supportive, and created a safe space for me to talk, I left feeling exposed and uncertain.

At the time, I wondered whether counselling was helping because I felt worse rather than better. Looking back, I can see that it wasn't a sign that counselling wasn't working. Instead, it was the first time I had allowed myself to be vulnerable and honest about how I was really feeling.

It's also important to remember that much of the therapeutic work doesn't only happen during the counselling session itself. Often, the work continues in the time between sessions.

A session may bring thoughts, memories, emotions, or questions to the surface that you hadn't fully considered before. When you leave, you may spend days reflecting on what was discussed, processing new insights, or trying to make sense of difficult feelings. At times, this can feel uncomfortable or leave you feeling stuck.

For many people, the period between sessions can be just as important as the session itself. It provides an opportunity to notice what comes up for you, how you respond to it, and what feels significant. These reflections can then be explored further in future sessions, helping to deepen understanding and support the therapeutic process.

Of course, there is no right or wrong way to use the time between sessions. Some people actively reflect on what was discussed, while others simply notice how they feel as the week unfolds. Whatever the experience, it can become valuable material to bring back into the counselling room and explore together.

As much as we would like healing and change to be simple, there is often an element of discomfort involved in exploring experiences that have been difficult to face. In this sense, feeling worse before feeling better can be a normal part of the therapeutic process.

Sometimes we don't realise how much something has affected us until we begin talking about it. Emotions can show up not only in our thoughts but also in our bodies, through tension, tiredness, anxiety, or a sense of heaviness. Bringing awareness to these experiences can be an important part of understanding ourselves more fully.

There can also be an expectation that counselling should provide immediate relief. While this does happen for some people, it is equally common for difficult feelings to come closer to the surface before they begin to ease. Sometimes the emotional weight we have been carrying becomes more noticeable because we are finally allowing ourselves to experience it rather than avoid it.

Counselling doesn't have to mean diving into everything at once. Part of the process is learning what feels manageable and recognising when you need to slow down, pause, or seek additional support. Therapy is not a race, and each person will move through the process at their own pace.

If you find yourself feeling worse after a session, it can be helpful to bring this into the counselling room. Exploring these feelings with your counsellor may provide valuable insight into what is happening for you and whether any adjustments are needed within the therapeutic work.

It can also be helpful to think about how you care for yourself between sessions. Whether that's journalling, spending time in nature, connecting with supportive people, or simply allowing yourself time to rest, self-care can provide an important foundation while processing difficult emotions.

Of course, there are occasions when the issue may not be the process itself. Sometimes a client may not feel suited to a particular counsellor, their therapeutic approach, or their way of working. Finding the right counsellor and the right type of therapy can be an important part of the journey, and it's okay to acknowledge when something doesn't feel like the right fit.

Ultimately, counselling is not supposed to make us feel good all the time. Its purpose is to help us understand ourselves more deeply, process our experiences, and create meaningful change. Sometimes that means sitting with difficult emotions before we can move through them.

Feeling worse before feeling better doesn't necessarily mean counselling isn't working. Sometimes it can be a sign that you are beginning to engage with emotions and experiences that need attention, understanding, and compassion. While the process may not always feel comfortable, it can be the beginning of meaningful change.

If you're currently finding counselling difficult, remember that you don't have to navigate those feelings alone. Bringing them into the counselling room can be an important part of the process, and together you and your counsellor can explore what they might be telling you.

If you're considering counselling or have questions about the therapeutic process, feel free to get in touch. Sometimes understanding what to expect can make taking that first step feel a little easier.