How to Choose the Right Counsellor (and Why It Matters)
If you’ve been thinking about starting counselling, you might be wondering…
How do I actually choose the right counsellor? Where do I even begin?
There are so many options, different approaches, different people, and it can feel overwhelming knowing where to start.
You might be asking yourself:
How do I know if they’re the right fit?
What should I be looking for?
Does it really matter who I choose?
These are all really valid questions.
My Experience of Choosing a Counsellor
When I was searching for a counsellor myself, I had no idea what type of therapy I needed or who to choose.
I found myself scrolling through profiles, looking at what they worked with, their qualifications, the types of therapy they offered, and I quickly felt overwhelmed.
I also worried that I might choose the wrong person and then feel obligated to stay.
If you’re feeling something similar, you’re not alone.
In this post, I hope to gently unpick some of those concerns.
So… Does It Matter Which Counsellor You Choose?
In short, yes, it does.
Research and experience both show that the relationship between you and your counsellor is one of the most important parts of therapy.
A strong therapeutic relationship can support change, growth, and a deeper understanding of yourself.
It’s not just about qualifications or techniques.
It’s about whether you feel:
safe
comfortable
able to be yourself
That sense of connection can take time, but even in early conversations, you might notice whether something feels like a good fit.
I remember feeling at ease with my counsellor quite quickly. Even though I was unsure and didn’t know exactly what to say, I felt able to begin.
I left that first session feeling emotionally exhausted, but also slightly lighter, having shared things I hadn’t been able to say out loud before.
What to Look for in a Counsellor
1. A sense of safety and comfort
You don’t have to feel completely at ease straight away, but you might notice a sense that you can begin.
You should feel:
listened to
respected
not judged
2. An approach that feels right for you
Different counsellors work in different ways.
Some are more structured, others more open and exploratory.
You don’t need to understand every therapy type, but it can help to read a little about how a counsellor works and see what resonates with you.
For example, in cases of trauma, you may want someone with specific training, such as trauma-focused approaches like CBT, EMDR, or somatic therapies.
Taking a little time to explore what might suit your needs can be helpful.
3. Someone you feel you can talk to
This doesn’t mean it always feels easy, but there’s a sense that you could talk, even if you’re not sure where to start.
You don’t need to have the “right words.”
4. Space to go at your own pace
A good counselling relationship won’t rush you.
You should feel able to:
take your time
share gradually
say when something doesn’t feel right
At times, you might feel stuck or find yourself returning to the same things. That’s okay.
A counsellor should support you in gently exploring what that stuckness feels like, rather than pushing you past it.
You may also find that many things come up at once. A counsellor might help you prioritise by asking something like:
“You mentioned this… and also this… I’m wondering which feels most important right now?”
This can bring a sense of focus and calm, especially when everything feels overwhelming.
What If You’re Not Sure After the First Session?
It’s okay not to know straight away.
Sometimes it takes a few sessions to settle in.
But equally, if something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to trust that.
You are allowed to find someone who feels like a better fit.
Do Qualifications Matter?
Yes, but they’re only part of the picture.
In the UK, counselling is currently an unregulated profession. This means standards can vary, so it’s important to feel confident in your counsellor’s training and experience.
Many counsellors are registered with organisations like the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
This can offer reassurance that they:
have completed recognised training
follow an ethical framework
continue their professional development
For example, BACP members are expected to work in line with principles such as trustworthiness, autonomy, and respect, and to complete ongoing training each year.
Ultimately, when you’re sharing personal and vulnerable parts of yourself, it’s important to feel your counsellor is competent and safe.
It’s Okay to Take Your Time Choosing
You don’t have to get it “right” immediately.
You might:
read a few profiles
have an initial call
take time to reflect
There’s no pressure to commit before you feel ready.
Finding the Right Fit for You
Choosing a counsellor isn’t about finding the “best” one.
It’s about finding the right one for you.
Someone you feel comfortable with.
Someone you feel you can begin with.
Taking the First Step
If you’re thinking about starting counselling, this can feel like a big step.
But you don’t have to have everything figured out before you begin.
If you’d like to get a sense of how I work, you’re very welcome to read more about my approach or get in touch for an initial conversation.
Sometimes, just starting that conversation is enough to begin, and you don’t have to do it alone.
