Holding Joy and Anxiety at the Same Time in Pregnancy

Pregnancy mental health
Written By Jessica Bainbridge
Hope and doubt in bloom

‍Pregnancy is often described as one of the happiest times in your life. And for many people, it is. ‍But that doesn't mean it's free from worry, uncertainty or moments of feeling overwhelmed. ‍Pregnancy can bring a whole range of emotions, some of which can seem to contradict one another. You might feel excited about meeting your baby while also feeling anxious about the future. You may feel grateful and terrified at the same time. Both can exist together.

It can be difficult when pregnancy doesn't match the picture we often see or hear about. We can feel pressure to enjoy every moment or to feel grateful all the time. Yet every pregnancy is different, and every person's experience is unique.

‍It's okay to have mixed emotions

There are many reasons why pregnancy can feel emotionally overwhelming. ‍Perhaps your relationship isn't where you hoped it would be. Maybe you're worried about finances or whether you're emotionally ready to become a parent. Pregnancy can also bring uncertainty about how life is going to change and whether you're ready for everything that lies ahead.

‍Pregnancy can sometimes bring back memories or emotions from our own childhood. You may find yourself reflecting on the way you were parented and wondering what you want to do differently, or worrying about repeating patterns you'd rather leave behind. These thoughts can feel unsettling, but they're often a natural part of preparing to become a parent.

‍These thoughts don't make you a bad parent. They don't mean you're ungrateful or that you won't love your baby. They simply reflect that you're navigating one of life's biggest changes. It's okay to acknowledge that your pregnancy may not feel perfect. It's okay if you're experiencing conflicting emotions. They're your emotions, and they're valid.

‍It's also worth remembering that these emotions aren't limited to the person carrying the baby. Partners can experience worry, uncertainty and conflicting emotions too as they prepare for such a significant life change.‍ ‍

When everyone has an opinion

One thing that often surprised me about pregnancy was just how many opinions suddenly seemed to appear. ‍You hear things like: ‍"Aww, you must be so excited!" ‍Or... ‍"Just you wait... if you think you're tired now..."

‍Although these comments are often well intentioned, they can sometimes feel frustrating or even lonely. Pregnancy suddenly seems to invite everyone else's opinions, advice and judgement. ‍When you're already experiencing mixed emotions, those comments can make you question yourself or even feel guilty for not feeling the way you think you should. ‍For some people, becoming pregnant has been a long and difficult journey. Others may experience severe morning sickness, pregnancy complications or other challenges that make it difficult to enjoy the experience in the way people expect. ‍If someone had any other illness that left them feeling exhausted or unwell, we probably wouldn't tell them to simply "enjoy it." Yet during pregnancy, these comments can become surprisingly common.

My experience

‍During my own pregnancy, I experienced both Low PAPP-A and later developed gestational diabetes. This meant more growth scans, more appointments and more waiting. ‍Although there were many beautiful moments, I also spent much of my pregnancy worrying. ‍Between appointments my mind would often race. ‍

Is my baby growing enough?

Is my baby too big?

Are they getting everything they need from me?

Looking back, I don't think there was ever a point where I completely relaxed. ‍I carried excitement and fear together throughout my pregnancy. ‍ ‍

Pregnancy can also remind us just how much is outside of our control. Waiting for appointments, test results or scans can feel incredibly difficult, especially when all you want is reassurance that everything is okay. ‍What helped me was knowing I wasn't facing it alone. I had a wonderful midwife, an incredibly supportive perinatal team and a consultant who monitored me closely. Knowing there were people I could turn to whenever I felt worried made an enormous difference.

Pregnancy can bring other challenges too

Pregnancy changes your body, and for some people that can feel difficult. ‍If you've experienced difficulties with body image or disordered eating, those changes can bring additional challenges. Becoming a parent for the first time can also feel overwhelming simply because it's unknown. ‍ ‍

I remember wondering how I would change a nappy properly, bath a baby or know if I was doing things right. I had very little experience around babies, so hearing people say, "Don't worry, it all comes naturally," didn't really settle my nerves. ‍What helped me was learning. ‍Attending antenatal classes gave me confidence because they helped turn the unknown into something more familiar. ‍Sometimes practical support can reduce anxiety just as much as emotional support.

Taking a moment to check in with yourself

‍ ‍It can sometimes help to pause and ask yourself:

  • What am I most worried about right now?

  • What feels within my control, and what doesn't?

  • Am I putting pressure on myself to experience pregnancy in a certain way?

  • If a friend shared these feelings with me, how would I respond to them?

  • What support do I need at this moment?

Sometimes we don't need to have all the answers. Simply acknowledging how we're feeling can be an important first step.

‍‍Holding joy and anxiety together ‍

One of the biggest things I wish someone had told me is that it's perfectly okay to experience two opposite emotions at the same time. ‍You can feel joy and fear. ‍Gratitude and uncertainty. ‍Hope and anxiety. ‍Loving your baby and worrying about them can exist side by side. ‍One emotion doesn't cancel out the other.‍ ‍

If you're finding pregnancy emotionally difficult, you're not alone. Speaking to your midwife, GP or perinatal team is always an important first step, and counselling can also offer a safe space to explore whatever you're experiencing without judgement.

‍However your pregnancy looks, your experience is valid.

‍Additional sources of support:

‍If anything in this blog resonates with you, you don't have to manage these feelings on your own. Alongside speaking with your GP, midwife or perinatal team, you may find these organisations helpful.

‍If you're concerned about your mental health during pregnancy, or you're finding your thoughts or feelings difficult to manage, please speak to your midwife, GP or perinatal mental health team. They are there to support you, and you don't have to wait until things feel unbearable before asking for help.

Jessica Bainbridge
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